I'll bet she douches with gravy.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
