I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
