I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
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