I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
