We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
