I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
