so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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