So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
