she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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