White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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