I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
