Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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