she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
