So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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