That's intense
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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