Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
