I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
