i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
