i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
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I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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