His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
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