Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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