he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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