i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
