She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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