So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
