my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
