that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
