that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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