Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
