I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
