Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Houston, we have a blender
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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