i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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