I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Randomize
