What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
