I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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