Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
me + whiskey = a bad person
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Randomize
