Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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