he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
