Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
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