Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
