Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Randomize
