there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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