booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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