listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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