Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
