did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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