Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
