pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
