man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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