I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
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