...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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