I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
