"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
