What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
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