Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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