Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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