I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
