I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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