he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
