You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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