Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
