Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
