Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
