His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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