R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Randomize
