I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
i was born a porn star she said
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Come share oat with me in your robe
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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