I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize
