whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I just pynch a tree in the face
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
