dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
You've changed since you got that strap on
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
