Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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